Letters cont.

I retreat further and further into myself. My trichotillomania and self harm are getting much worse as each day passes. My body is sore from all the hair pulling and skin picking. I have caused an infection around my genitalia, from all the picking. My Dr. Gives me antibiotics.
I feel so ashamed as a drift around a my own little world.
One day I start writing to my Dr.
At first my letters tell her how miserable I am and how I am struggling with the trichotillomania and self harm. Once I start writing to her it's hard to stop, and as I continue to write ,my letters become more graphic. I start to tell everything, the real truth about what I do, how desperate it makes me feel.
Now I’m going to tell you.More often than not I don’t know what triggers me to start a pulling session. I can be anxious, tired, angry, happy or sad. A lot of the time I just feel numb, isolated and afraid. I’m always afraid of the same thing, the madness which I’ve been told all my life I have and which I believe is as much part of me as the trichotillomania and self harm. I feel trapped in a vicious circle.