The Numbness Of Trichotillomania

I don’t feel anything during any session. I feel no pain or discomfort even, at pulling out my hair and picking at my skin. During this time I am not aware of anything around me, I don’t hear general everyday noises like traffic passing my house or people talking on the pavement outside. It is as if I am not really here at all, as if I am just floating along.
Weightless. Voiceless. Silent. Numb.
I suppose I am in a trance like state with my only focus being the self harm I am carrying out. This trichotillomania.
Then I stop.
I have no idea what makes me stop, indeed I am not consciously aware of making the decision to stop. I just do.
Then I feel the pain.
It is the first of my senses to return. My brain starts to recognise my pain and it screams at my body. My head is throbbing and my genitalia feels as if it is burning.
Almost immediately I notice the debris, so much hair, everywhere, over my clothes, on the furniture, in the bathroom basin below the mirror, wherever I have gone in my trance like state there is debris.
Often my fingertips are smeared with blood. I clean myself up as best as I can, it is difficult to clean my genitalia as it is so sore.I am truly exhausted now. I am always exhausted after a session and I usually start crying, at what I have done, then I usually lie down and fall asleep